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Being addicted to a substance is allot like being in a romantic relationship.  Everyone of us knows that in the beginning of any relationship it’s exciting, we think of the other person all the time, You can’t get enough of each other.  We don’t see each others faults.  We try to act our best, look our best.  We basically put a mask on.

After a while as we get to know each other better ,and we start to share our feelings and secrets.  Trust is formed.  Our true nature is revealed to one another.  This is when we truly find if where compatible or not.  If not we go our separate ways, and move on.  This scenario is in a perfect world, how it should be.  Most of us try to change for the sake of the other person.  We compromise.  Which makes the other person happy, but not you.  We try to cling on to something that we know won’t work, but out of love we try.  It’s starts to become a toxic relationship.  This almost always end up in tears.

When I started using drugs, I immediately fell in love.  It gave me confidence, I had more friends than I could count.  I could party all the time, I didn’t have to sleep much, I was with people who accepted me.  After a while the honeymoon period was over.  I needed to take the substance to feel “normal”. I knew I had to stop using, but I didn’t want to.  Who am I going to be without the substance? What about all my friends? What am I going to for fun.  So I continued.

Later this toxic relationship consumed me, I became solitary, My so called friends didn’t care.  All the people that actually cared for me didn’t want to be part of my life, because they couldn’t stand the person that I have become.  Feeling isolated, and miserable, stopped.

It was very, very difficult.  It’s the same when breaking up with someone.  Breaking up doesn’t mean you stop caring, loving the other person. Some say time heals everything.  It doesn’t.  It may make it easier after a while, but you always think what could’ve been.  I still think of using, maybe this time it will be different? Maybe if I do things differently this time I can control it.

Like any toxic relationship, it will always have the same outcome.  The only difference is, it’s going to have the same (or worse) outcome much more quickly.  It’s a daily struggle not to go back.

And then you meet someone new, someone that accepts you for who you are.  Who doesn’t care about your weaknesses and insecurities.  Someone who fits you perfectly.  Someone who’s strengths compliments your weaknesses, and vice versa. You’re longing for your ex disappears.  Only memories that remind us of the worst, so that we can be thankful of what we have now.

I am finding it easier, and easier, day, by day to manage my addiction.  The more positive things I replace it with the less the cravings become.  I enjoy life. I enjoy being the new me.  I am thankful for every day that I am sober.  I know the cravings will never go away, there will always be triggers, and pitfalls. But I know going back to using will have the same or worse end every time.

I am letting my addiction, my Ex go. But I will never forget.

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Comments
  1. Very good input, I have learn form you allot and also hope I can somehow return it.From this article here I myself believe that I was in a toxic relationship but would love to have the opportunity to be there for her put in a much different and supportive way then prior. If you wish my story is here, thank you…… http://angelfacefoundation.wordpress.com/2013/07/28/a-confession-true-story-about-drug-abuse-love/

  2. […] Angel Face Foundatio… on Toxic Relationship […]

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