How many of us have been in romantic relationships in the past, where one, or both of us use drugs? I have had a couple of them in the past, and what was the outcome? Heartbreak! I know there are couples who overcame their addiction together, but in most cases it usually ends up in heartbreak. Either one quits, and the other one doesn’t and we break up, or life becomes so unmanageable, that we start hating, and blaming each other for everything that’s wrong, and we break up.
Like any relationship there will always be problems when more than three people are involved. Like I mentioned in one of my previous post I regard the drug as romantic relationship as well. The drug in 99% of the time becomes the most important thing in a relationship. When the focus shifts from your partner to anything else, the relationship is doomed. A drug relationship is a co-dependence relationship. Both partners use each other to get the drug. It may be for financial, living, or psychological reasons. We don’t stay with each other for love anymore, we don’t stay with each other out of choice. We stay because we have to stay.
I have heard boyfriends pimping out there girlfriends for the drug, boyfriends steeling and robbing to support their, and their girlfriend’s habit. Where is the love in that? That isn’t love. That is co-dependency in its harshest form. This is an extreme example, not all drug relationships take this route, but non-deles this happens. The drug becomes everything, morals, love, respect, trust. All are lost.
No matter how much family, or friends plead with both partners to break up. For the sake of their sobriety. It will always fall on deaf ears. Out of fear of losing their partner. This is not to be confused with love. We are scared, to lose control. We are scared to face the world outside alone. “Maybe we are scared to do drugs alone from now on”. I don’t know? It’s difficult for me to think why I stayed in the relationship now that I am sober.
Then there is always the times when we both got sober. The feelings of love for each other returned. We decided that we will do things differently. We will give each other support in recovery. Together we can do this! Given the nature of this disease it almost never works that way. How can you possibly be with the person you used to use with? The drug “hyper memories”, the cravings will be a hundred times worse. Every time you see your partner, memories of using return. Not the negative memories. As the brain searches for instances in the past that huge dopamine spikes occurred, all it finds is when we used drugs, and it places a positive connotation, or memory with it. In the end one of the partners will fall, and it won’t take long for both to start using again.
To break up at the best of times is heart-breaking, but we have to. For the sake of your own sobriety, and that of your loved one. If you really love someone, you will have their best interests at heart. You will let them go. In the long run both of you will thank each other. If you want to stay sober. You will have to let go. If you really want a new life, you’ll have to start everything from anew.
Forgive and move on.
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