I read this quote and it made me think. What would have been different in my life without drugs or alcohol? I know for a fact that I would have had allot more money. I would have had a nice house, nice car, living in luxury. Sounds like I would have had a good life.
In society’s and my father’s eyes I would have been a success. Don’t get me wrong. I like to have nice things. I had it. But is that what life is about? Money? Nice house? Nice Car? At one stage in my life I thought so. I was a little arrogant brat that had no empathy, no sense of hardship. I got what I want when I wanted it. I had no clue what life was about. I had no respect for other people’s feelings, other people’s emotions. I was selfish and self-centred.
At this stage of my life I was mostly drinking taking ecstasy no and then, and didn’t really have worries. It was just a bit of partying right? Started using coke now and then. Met a Girl (my downfall no 1) She was using Heroin. Long story short. I got hooked. Dad saw something was wrong went to rehab. I went to Oppikoppi. I took allot of Ecstasy tablet with to sell them there. Wow made allot of money. Met another girl there (O shit). She was smoking rocks and heroin. Long story short I really suffered. Went to Noupoort. 8 months later I get out. Meet up with the same girl again. Relapsed. Went back to other Noupoort. Got out. Went back to same girl again. Relapsed. Went to Hazyview. She went to Magaliesburg and we decided that we will not have contact anymore. Ok. Fine. I got out started using again. Until on 26 July 2006, High on Heroin. Looked at myself in the mirror, I said to myself “WTF are you doing? Enjoying your life? Do you want to die?” I phone my Dr and got a Subutex for the withdrawals. Stopped. September that year met a new girl. Life on track. Worked at Mercedes, moved to Potchefstroom, got engaged, moved to Bloemfontein had my own businesses. Broke up with fiancé. Moved back to Pretoria. Met the Girl (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO no). Ended up in Prison in January this year got out. Got started using again. Started working at McCarthy. Started using Meth. Went to Denmar got Diagnosed with ADHD. Got right Meds. Went to Beethoven Recovery centre. So that’s my using stage in a nutshell. I was clean from drugs from 26 July 2006- 22 February 2012. I don’t blame anyone for my drug addiction. Yes some people made it worse and for them I am thankful.
To get back to what I’ve learned. I learned not to Judge. I learned that money is not the be all and end all in life. I learned that humble. I learned to see the heart of people. To place myself into other peoples shoes. I learned to thankful. I found out my purpose and my passion.(to help other people) Emotionally I got hurt badly. I have allot of trust issues. I am still not able to let people close to me, out of fear to get hurt. My addiction has taught me hard lessons. It also made me more Humane. It showed me the darkest places. But now in recovery, the light shines so much brighter. I for one think. It made me understand the meaning of life. My purpose. It helped me to understand, love, and the lack of it. It opened my eyes.
I won’t want to change anything in my past, because it changed my future
Addiction to Recovery 